Beautiful Mess – Episode 16

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Janet Jackson
Made for now
3 days later.
I hear him outside my door, asking me to let
him in, I cry into my pillow.
I know I said I didn’t care about his secrets but
now I have not just myself to think about.
I sob harder.
Mimi turns to me.
“Are you sure you don’t want to see him?”
I don’t respond, just curl up in a ball and
continue crying.
4 days later.
I hear her crying through the door, she
changed her pass code, I can’t get to her, I
feel so helpless.
I slide down the wall to sit on the ground, my
back against the door as I speak to her
through it.
I know she can hear me.
She has to hear me.
I slide down the wall to sit on the ground, my
back to the door as I listen to him through the
It’s been seven days, seven long days since
we broke up.
I feel like dying, death will be the sweetest
I rest my head on the door as I listen to his
voice sing a song he always does to me.
It’s Beautiful Mess by Jason Mraz, i feel tears
begin to spill down cheeks.
I clutch at my chest when it feels like I can’t
Why does it have to hurt so much.
When he is done he speaks.
“Kismet, I know you can hear me, please let
me in, please, let me in”
He says but I can’t speak, my chest hurts too
much, I slump to the ground, my breath coming
in short bursts.
I feel my sight darkening, I can’t breathe.
I try to call out to him but I can’t.
Oh it hurts.
My hand is on the door, trying to get to him, in
anyway but I still can’t speak.
My other hand goes to my chest as I quietly
sob, please, hear me.
I feel wetness down my thighs and I begin to
Please God, not my baby
I open my mouth and still nothing comes out.
I hear him speak as I die in silence.
“I will be back tomorrow Kismet, make no
mistake, I will break down your walls and get
you back , I love you”
He says and when I hear him move away I feel
helpless, it hurts.
Please make it stop.
That’s my last thought before I black out.
5 days Later.
I slowly blink my eyes open,why does
everything hurt?
I close my eyes when it gets assaulted by
harsh light, I moan a little.
I feel a hand pushing me down and that’s
when I realize I was trying to get up..
“Shh, calm down, lie back down”
Mimi’s voice say to me and I lie back.
“What happened? Where am I?”
I ask her as I look around.
It seems I am in an hospital.
” You are in a hospital,you passed out”
That triggers my memory because I
immediately ask.
“How’s my baby?”
I clutch at her hand , dreading her answer.
I try to sense if my baby is still there but I can’t
Is it.. . .?

“Your baby is fine, you are both fine”
I almost die in relief.
“Why didn’t you tell me?, You knew you were
in this condition and that you didn’t have only
yourself to think about and you were that
You missed meals,you cried yourself to
sleep,is Garrett really worth loosing your life
and your baby’s?”
She ask and I feel properly chastised.
” Am.. . . . Sorry”
“You don’t have to apologise to me Kismet,
you made the decision to leave Garrett, then
you should make a decision to take care of
your health and happiness and your baby”
She says.
Even the mention of his name hurts.
I feel my self slipping into that dark place in my
head and I make a conscious effort to hold it
I have someone else to think about.
My hand goes to my chest when I feel that
familiar pain .
I can’t trust my baby to someone who doesn’t
trust me enough to share his secrets.
I have to take care of myself. My child needs
It’s been two weeks now,two long weeks, she
hasn’t been home and my plan to give her
space has been shot to hell.
I have searched everywhere and still no sign
of her.
Where’s my hazel eyes?
I feel my head pound and I rake my hand
through my hair.
“Boss, we have to go now”
I hear Marcel say behind me and I feel the
venom in my chest threaten to spill out.
It’s said that you should keep your friends
close and your enemies closer.
That’s what I am doing.
Marcel stole from me, he stole my happiness
and joy,I will take from him what he doesn’t
have and when he doesn’t expect it.
I want to know what his deal is, yes,he won’t
know what hit him .
I bend to slide the letter I wrote under Kismet’s
It just says 7 things
‘Wherever you hide,I will find you”
– Garrett
I hope she gets it and understands that it isn’t
over between us

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