THE BAD BOY DIARY – PART 49
The BadBoy Diary
(Helping Her Get Over Him )
Written by, Rejoice Jeremiah. C
I stared at him as he never stopped talking. He didn’t stop explaining. He didn’t stop begging.
Tears were rolling freely from his eyes.
But I did my best to keep mine but I was scared they are soon gonna roll out and I won’t be able to stop them anytime soon.
I can’t deny that his explanations touched me.
I can’t deny that I really wanna forgive him, but didn’t I promise myself not to forgive him this soon?
It wasn’t his fault. He was scared to loose me, he was scared for his heartless dad to hurt me.
So he had to lie, just to protect me.
He was on a strict order of ‘no dating’ from his dad untill he met me and fell inlove with me.
That explains everything. Of him telling me that he haven’t experienced a heartbreak.. That he haven’t even dated before. That he has never fallen inlove untill he met me.
He lied. He has lied so many times.
Noah you have lied so many times to me.
All because you wanted to protect me, to keep me.
And now I had to find out in the most painful way.
Look at you, dressed in a prisoner’s wear.
Look at your hair scattered.
I don’t even know what to say or do.
Why didn’t you just tell me. We could have know what to do.
If we were to run away, then we would have.
Because I was so crazily inlove with you.
You said you never meant to hurt me? But the hurtness is so much.
I can even say this pain is more painful than during David’s.
The pain is so much because I loved you so much than I did for David.
Cos you stayed with me through those hurtful moments.
What do you want me to say now Noah?
How do you even want me to believe all these that you are saying?
How do you even want me to forgive you just like that?
God! Noah this place doesn’t fit you at all.
Why didn’t you just tell me. What kinda protection is more than being truthful to your partner, so both of you’d know what to do!
All the lies, there were so much’
I breathed out.
I couldn’t tell all this to him, I could only say them within me as I stared at him shedding uncontrollable tears.
“…I beg you Clara, say something. Time is almost up and i’ll soon-” he glanced at the cop then back to me, “-be taken back to the cell,” he said.
‘What do you want me to say? seeing you here hurt so bad. Knowing it all was true.. You were a drug dealer Noah, top drug operator. Jeeeez! oh God’
“Clara, you don’t believe me right? being mute, not even touched by all I said meant that you didn’t believe all that I said but I swear Clara, it’s the whole truth, I swear,” he said as more tears rolled down his eyes.
I fought so hard to control mine.
I was shocked and mute. I had no idea what to say. No word came out of my mouth.
I just sat, staring at him. He broke into a sob, not just tears anymore. He began sobbing non stop.
I inhaled with a hurtness.
I want to take his hands and tell him i’ve forgiven him.
But I couldn’t see myself doing that.
His tears and sob touch me so badly. I could feel myself getting weak. I could a tear almost rolling down.
I lifted up my face to hold it.
“If you don’t forgive me Clara, i’ll never ever forgive myself, I will never ever forgive myself,” he said.
I looked down and mucus slipped out from his nose.
His eyes were deep red and his whole face wet with so much tears.
His lips were patted slightly and quivering as he sobbed.
The police stepped near. “Three minutes left,” he announced and walked back to where he sat.
“All this time Clara, you said nothing, I can’t bear you not even yelling at me, not saying anything at all. Please Clara say something, please I beg you…please don’t leave without talking to me.. please Clara,” he said and tried to place his hands on mine but I pulled back my hands. That caused more tears outta his eyes.
I breathed out.
“I’ll leave now,” I finally spoke. “I came to listen to your side of the story and you have finished with it, so i’ll leave now,” I said.
He shook his head sharply. “No Clara! I beg you don’t leave without saying anything more, not just this, please.” he begged.
“I don’t know what to say now Noah.. If I finally have what to say about all you told me, I’ll come back to tell you,” I said.
“But you can still say it now. Please don’t leave without forgiving me Clara. Please don’t leave me, please I love you so much, please consider to forgive me and stand with me all through this, I don’t wanna loose you Clara. It was something i’ve always been scared of.”
“Time up please!!” the cop said as he came over and stood beside Noah.
Noah began crying out loud now as he tried grabbing my hands again but I didn’t let him.
“Clara please don’t do this to me. Don’t go away from me, please just forgive me, please Clara. I can’t bear it,.Im begging you Clara,” he cried out.
I blinked as tears finally rolled down my eyes. I wiped them off with my hankie.
The cop kept telling him to get up but he wasn’t heeding.
“Clara, tell me you still love me, please tell me im not gonna loose you,”
“Noah, I.. I don’t know what to say,” I said as I got up and rushed out. The river of tears that had gathered in my eyes since, I finally let them all out.
I walked away with my face down and my eyes dropping so much tears.
I could hear Noah’s voice crying out to me as they came out from the room.
I didn’t look back, I just ran away.
‘What did you expect me to do. Forgive him just like that?
How can I possibly just do that.
But I can’t deny that I want to forgive him.
There’s no beating around the bush. Im going to forgive him, im going to do that but my mind isn’t made up yet but again, I can’t deny that I still love Noah, so much. I still love Noah! I still love him!
It wasn’t his fault! He didn’t cheat on me, he only lied to protect me!
I still love Noah.’
I sat on a bench along the narrow way, and cried out my eyes.
My purse fell and I left it, just to keep crying till im okay.
That kinda cry that you can’t stop no matter how you try. You just keep crying, gasping for air, pouring out tears till it eventually stops.
I glanced at my wristwatch again, ‘7:30pm’
For upto an hour, Clara is still talking with Noah when the time given to speak with prisoners and detainees here is just thirty minutes.
Could Clara still be in the visiting room? I don’t think unless the cop in there has been bribed.
Could it be that something like that happened?
Maybe that was the reason why she refused me to see Franco.
Oh, no no, even if I did, we would have been in a separate room.
That can’t be the reason.
I guess there’s something holding her.
I felt anxiety in my stomache.
I hope Clara haven’t fallen for his lies. Such people are professionals in lying. He can easily get her to fall for his lies. Clara is so soft hearted.
I glanced at my watch again and when I couldn’t bear it any longer, I stood up from the seat.
How do I find her!
I was about going to a female cop when I saw her emerge from one of the corridors.
I pushed my hair back and stayed back.
She got to me and my eyes can’t decieve me, I saw her red eyes. She cried. She broke down in there!
She believed him!
Why did she!
After promising of not doing so!
“Clara,” I called as I got filled with both anger and jealousy.
“Let’s go please,” she said. She was trying her best to make her face appear stoic even her voice but it was clearly written that she cried.
Even the mascara she applied on her eyelashes had all wiped off.
Nevertheless, I nodded and we left the building.
Outside the building, this part of the earth have been already covered with darkness, only the white bright lights fixed all around the premises and also golden streetligts outside the premises illuminated bright lights all around the area.
We got into the car and fastened our seatbelts.
I was about igniting the car engine when I decided to ask her this.
“Clara,” I called as I looked at her.
She just glanced at me and turned to the windscreen.
“Yeah?” she answered.
I didn’t take my eyes off her face, “Did you cry in there?” I asked her.
She shook her head, “I didn’t,” she answered causing me to wonder at her lie.
Clara just lied to me. I couldn’t help it.
“That’s not true Clara, your eyes were red when you came out, even now and your mascara is no more on your eyelashes,” I said.
She looked down at her purse and opened it. She brought out a white hankerchief. It was soaked and mascara stains were all over it.
“Yeah I did, but that was after I left the room,” she said.
“Did he explain to you? Do you think he said the truth. did you forgive him?” I asked. I was eager and curious.
“He did.. I think they were true, all he said. I said nothing, I got lost for words, I left without saying anything, he kept shedding so much tears and sobbing and while I left, he bursted into a loud cry,” she said and they way she said them made me proved to me that somehow, she still has feelings for him.
I don’t even wanna think of this!
I sighed and finally, I ignited the car engine and drove off.
During the kinda long journey, Clara told me all that Noah said there in the visiting room.
Somehow, I felt for him.
He was afraid to loose her, scared for his dad to hurt her so all he could do to protect her was to lie to her and keep his promise to his dad.
If all this were true then, he really deserve Clara’s forgiveness but Clara can’t accept him back.
Im so crazily inlove with Clara and im really dying in silence.
But you know what killed me most?
Clara began shedding tears after she was done telling everything to me.
She was shedding uncontrollable tears and I just kept driving and taking glances at her.
She didn’t say anything, no whimper, no sobbing, she just kept rolling out tears and then wipe them off but another set would roll down again.
I controlled my anger, the pains that was boiling inside me.
I wanted to just stop this damn car, yell at her, grab her, tell her my feelings and kiss her!
How can I let this happen. Clara is still inlove with Noah.
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I pulled into the apartment and stopped the car.
She had stopped the tears about ten minutes ago, and just stared at the window.
When I stopped the car, she unfastened the seatbelt and made to go out but I called her. She looked at me.
I breathed out as I tapped my finger on the steering wheel to ease my anger and pain.
“What’s it?” she asked, seeming in haste to rush out and go into her apartment.
To do what?
Continue her tears and then decide to accept Noah back.
God.. this is just damn funny!
“Clara, are you going to be truthful to me?” I said.
“About what?” she said.
“Just promise me you are going to say nothing but the truth,” I said.
“What’s that?” she said.
I rested my back on the seat backrest.
Should I ask her this? won’t it break my heart if she says ‘yes’
It will shatter my heart but I just have ro ask her.
I can’t keep it.
It’s so obvious that she do but I have to be sure, I have to be sure that my heart is about to be shattered.
I breathed out with my eyes at the rear-view mirror.
“Do you still love Noah?” I asked without looking at her.
She went silent for ten seconds. I counted it. Then I felt her hands go to her hair. I then looked at her.
She loosened the hairband on her hair and repacked it then she exhaled.
“I don’t know. Goodnight Drake and thanks for the ride,” she said and walked out, closed the door and hurried to her door. Went in and slammed the door shut.
I breathed out.
It’s obvious that you love him while you don’t even notice how much that I need you.
I chuckled hurtfully as I unfastened my seatbelt. I pushed my hair back and chuckled painfully again.
I love you but it’s obvious that you still want your boyfriend, Noah.
Can’t you be just be frank and tell me that you do, while telling me that you don’t know.
I pulled out the car keys and came down from the car, slammed the door, locked the car and headed to my apartment.
‘I knew this was gonna happen. I had the feelings all the time. Why don’t you just be straightforward and tell me? why Clara?’
I got into my sitting room and grabbed an alcoholic wine and glass.
I poured the wine into the glass cup till it got to the rim.
I gulped all of it and poured in more.
‘Why didn’t she say ‘no I don’t love him’ why was she confused about it.’
‘She kept shedding tears in the car, not even minding my presence. Don’t she at least have an idea that i have feelings for her?
‘It’s so obvious, my feelings were right or maybe close to being right. She still love Noah’
But can I let that happen?
I gulped down all of the wine and poured more.
“Im gonna tell her my feelings! and it won’t exceed tomorrow,” I said aloud and gulped down the whole wine in the glass and poured in more.